The Primary Phase

I lifted the title off one of my favourite fiction of all times - The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (radio version). Imagine waking up one lousy morning, only to find out that your house has been commissioned to demolish, along with your planet. A little too much to compute and comprehend, and somehow it strangely reminds me of the situation I'm in.

The problem with alcohol is it wears off the next morning, and any decisions that you may have made under the influence demands reasoning. After making the decision to give into the whole arranged marriage scenario, I could not find any compelling argument that I could use to convince me that this is the best step forward. But then again, I could not find any argument to say otherwise. People always say to me - "you are young and free, enjoy it!! Why do you want to get hitched?" And I say, very true, but then you are all either married or in a relationship which leaves me to be the guy who goes to the cinemas and pubs by himself. (You know I do not have a single friend at the moment!!) Dont get me wrong, I'm not wanting to get married because I need someone to buy popcorn for. I just have to stop making all these really bad decisions when it comes to women. One moment, I'm the best friend/company/whatever she's had in ages, next minute she's disappeared off the face of the planet. I read on a pick-up artist's page that one of the first thing that turns women off is a nice guy!!! Yep, its true. If you are a nice guy, you'd end up being the friend who'll be "summoned" whenever the boyfriend turns into a bastard.

There is no end to this argument. So I thought, well if I get married, atleast my folks would be happy. So as soon as I sobered up, I decided to call up dad and give an official nod to marriage. My folks had hinted to me about getting married, since I was approaching 30. So I assumed that me saying "go ahead" would put them to ease, make them happy, excited..funny how that never turned out to be the case...the first thing dad said to me was, "so we'll have the ceremony in kerala, but do you also want to host a reception here in delhi? because I dont like these ceremonies and the concept of presents". You see,my father is a very simple down-to-earth man, he doesnt comply with all the show off that happens during weddings. But I wasnt expecting that. That very comment made it all real. Like a flash, I could see it happening. The whole marriage thing was becoming real!!! FUCK!!! Words started falling out of my mouth, and what I presume made into a sentence was "Sure, i'm not in favour of having any wedding receptions here in Delhi either", and then my brain took over "but thats a bit far off decision to make, dont you think? I mean first you'll have to advertise, compare any prospective matches, get my opinion, all that stuff. I mean that would take a few good months, wouldnt it?" My father is a very smart man, and I feel he detected fear in my voice.

She turned around and said...

"You are a great guy, but I've never thought of you like that!!"..

Who came up with that sentence? I've often wondered. Someone must have come up with this sentence, as they feel like they are quite thought of and well executed. Now for all the guys who've never come across these words, these are the words used upon guys who are technically perfect as a life partner but for some odd unexplained reason, completely incomprehensible. And for the umpteenth time, I've proved myself again as this "friend"...FUCK!!!!

According to my theory, women need two men in their lives - a boyfriend & a best friend!! A best friend is someone they've always dreamed of - loving, caring, understanding, sweet, considerate, humorous and with an ability to know what to say and when to say it. A boyfriend is everything else. I've spent the good part of my conscious life trying to understand why it happens. Why do I end up being his friend?? I'm not camp, have no gay qualities, am an awesome kisser and a pretty good fuck!! (Wow, I've stooped to the level of boasting about my reproductive qualities..neolithic period, here I come!!)

So what do you do? Sometimes you sit and listen to sad Bollywood songs, sometimes you watch porn and other times, you complain to God almighty!!! But after spending 15 years doing that, I'm tired!! I'm tired of being this "cosmopolitan" friend!!! Talking about inconsiderate boyfriends, giving moral support, making them feel special, tell them how much attractive they are, in a platonic way (wtf???) and help them through the bad-breakup phase!!!

Thats when it came to me - I should take the plunge!!! Find a spouse and get married. And then I can channelise all these emotions of mine to someone who truly deserves, appreciates and reciprocates it!!

People have mid life crisis, which can often be quoted as epiphamy!! Mine came at the 1/3rd of mine!! I'm done! I'm done playing the sweet friend..Arranged marriage, here I come!!!

This is new!! I have no idea what lies ahead, but it wont be easy..well more material to write about, eh ;)

P.S.- To everyone who's interested in writing a blog, its a lot more fun when you are under the influence of alcohol, or any other intoxicating product for that matter (take example from Lewis Carroll), provided that you are willing to completely ignore the grammatical and spelling error :D)